Feeling Productive

In my every day, I no longer felt productive until recently.

Let me explain (and bear with me).

I love interviewing new graduates for jobs and have them say, "I Love to make a To Do lists and check it off at the end of each day, I find it deeply satisfying" in response to my question about their personal and professional organizational skills.

I myself love To Do lists and make at least 6 a day. A work one, a VIP work one, a "if I only do 3 things today what are the three I HAVE to do", an "if I could stop time and do the work that actually needs to get done" one, a personal one of all the nice things I keep forgetting to do (birthday packages to the post office for my sister's birthday in early Sept and my sister in law's in late August, thank you notes for my wonderful friends who go above and beyond as hosts, notes to friends grieving) and the notorious, "I MUST do tonight or the world will explode" list (with getting gas, diapers, pay the mortgage before it is late, etc... on it). I am, a lover of lists. I got this from my mom who makes similar types of lists and even has one in the car to remind her where she is going and in what order to maximize efficiency. I know my mom and I will die one day and there will be a zillion lists all over and most likely a list of what to do in case of death on some small slip of paper.

Going back to the interview scenario, I am reminded of what life was like when I was in my early career. There were some things to do, short projects, easy to accomplish and focused. I was able to dabble in my personal items and make a To Do list and check it off by the end of the day. Somewhere between my late twenties and my current age (29, I do celebrate it annually), I lost the ability to get through a daily To Do list at work. Due to the volume, politics, intricacies, and being involved in things that I needed to research before I even could come up with possible solutions, it all slowed down. I mean sssloooooooooowwwwddddddd down. My feelings of productivity came to a hault. I now limp through the top 3 things I have to do at work and sqeak out the most urgent of the "My Personal World is Ending" list and usually wind up making a list of all the things I have to do on the weekend with those undo items on it as well. I try to celebrate this sense of forward motion but know that it is a shadow of my former, more productive self.

Why can't I learn? Why can't I slow down? Why can't I have one list with three things on it and just chip away at life day by day? I even started putting on my lists things like "Snuggle Husband" and "Smile to people that cut you off on your long commute" just so I was reminded and also so I could have something to check off and to help me keep my sense of humor about those things I wasn't getting done.

So I am working on what it means to just be and feel productive. At work, home and now with a new babe. Productive is taking on a different standard for me and it isn't too comfortable right now, but I am working on it. SO, because I am ridiculous, I decided that because I am feeling less productive than ever at work, that I would begin to make all organic and homemade baby food. Yes, I added something to a list for both To Do and To Buy and I, a reluctant chef who is not ashamed to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner (I am forever 29, right?) have been making a ton of baby food. Mixed fruits and cereals for breakfast, 3-5 ingredient vegetables for lunch and snack. Seriously, I make better food for the baby than I ever have for my sweet husband. Edemame, peas and apples; dried apricots, banana and peaches; cauliflower, spinach and peas and a personal favorite- blueberry, cherry, prune and apple mix (this one is a stainer!).

It has been so surprising to me. Adding this one thing in to my week's chores has given me more satisfaction and feelings of productivity than I have had since the baby's day of birth (I was pretty damn proud of myself) and in the past 5 years of my job. It combines a sense of care, tending, love, frugality (it is damn cheap) and has a defined start to the effort and an end that is within sight. I seriously love it and thankfully, so does the babe- he will eat anything!

So, after the babe is done with baby food, I will need to assess what it is that I can tackle to continue this sense of success and productivity or else drown myself in a zillion small lists of all of the things that I must do before I can begin to have fun.